Age

"Recently I noticed the pictures of me don’t align with my image of myself. That I’m still imagining the me of my early forties. I looked at a photograph the Earthquake Man just took of me in the desert and didn’t recognize myself. I wanted to turn away. I said, “That photograph scares me. I see an old woman.” He said, without any response other than a perfunctory one, “Hmm. That’s not what I see. I see a beautiful woman.” ~Christiane Pelunas~

I found a blog this morning that had an impact on me.  The quote above moved me....It puts feeling into words that make sense.  

As the years have hustled by, as I have rushed through life, the years have caught up with me.  Simple every day tasks are no longer done without a thought, squatting, kneeling, opening jars.....the list goes on.  Knees that prevent running, being unable to get up from the floor without using my hands.....again the list goes on.  

The day our realization of our age catches up with our physical self is a rude awakening, a jolt to the very core of the soul.  How does one age in a world that reveres youth, that despises wrinkles, that looks at young perfection and shuns aging, where beauty is defined by silicone, by surgery......how does one reconcile this?  I don't have an answer, I struggle with this every day.  The young believe age will not get them, that the years won't fly by.  I, too, once believed this, but  gravity and living have their way with us, a field day.  Suddenly pictures show a different person, a person unknown to us.  It is time to welcome this new person, to open up and realize that beauty is more than physical, it is more than youthful perfection.  

I do struggle with the loss of youth,  the addition of aches and pains, the realization I cannot do everything I once did, and the shock of seeing the person looking back at me in the mirror.  I will continue working toward loving this new, older, wiser person.

Living life creates a new person, hopefully a better, wiser person.  I know I am older, I hope I am wiser...I think I am.  Look into the eyes of an elder, you can see their life, every wrinkle tells a story of triumph, of sorrow, of laughter, of tears.  I look at my face when I smile and see my wrinkles deepen....each stretch mark tells the story of a new life, a life brought forth, four lives.   I will tell myself a new story each day.....a story of a girl becoming a woman, a woman becoming a mom, a mom becoming a grandma...a story of happiness, of grief, of love, of loss, my story....Day by Day.


I remember how Steve hated his birthday, absolutely hated it. He didn't like to celebrate his birthday, he preferred the day to pass quietly.   He often said, "I don't want to be old".  I say be careful what you wish for.......

Day 72 of 365.
Celebrate Life.......K