The Gloomy Place

Feeling deflated is a feeling I despise.  When the wind leaves your sails, when your balloon bursts, when the air is knocked from your lungs, when the life is sucked from your soul.  Do you know the feeling?  I do.  I prefer to feel happiness, to choose joy, but every now and then something happens to knock me down.  It can be something of no real consequence, yet it completely takes the life out of me. 

Emptiness and apathy....I fight them, but I do not always win..  I do and will always win ultimately, that is my nature.  I am an optimist most of the time, I find the bright side,  I choose joy.  I sometimes allow emptiness and apathy to rule, I want to feel the depths, I want to, so I can feel the soar of happiness, the feeling of pure joy.  Without darkness we cannot know the beauty of the light.

I have lost enough to know that life is short, that life is to be lived, lived fully, each minute, of each hour, of each day but sometimes shutting down is necessary, right?  Do you agree?
This is sometimes where we all must go....a gloomy place.  It can be a healing place......I have found this to be true.  A place to lick  wounds, to scream at fate, to feel the pain.  I don't want to dwell on pain and sadness, but I know that it is necessary.

I spoke with a woman yesterday, she lost her husband of many years a few months ago.  She reminded me of how I looked 5 years ago, I hope I showed her there is hope, that life will be OK again, that the pain will end.......I hope she saw this and knows.  The pain is so raw,  Tragic and sad things do and will happen to us, where we land is our choice.

I've landed and I'm happy again.  Being happy again does not mean I've forgotten, I have not, it simply means that I have chosen to live while I can.

Day 95 of 365.
Feel Everything.....K