Raindrops From Heaven

As I scanned Facebook this morning it was filled with posts about our departed loved ones.   Raindrops as kisses from heaven, I like that thought.  I like to believe that it is true.... it is a comforting.  A physical reminder of loss and love.  I like to believe that my grandparents, my dad, my mom, my stepmother, Steve and his parents and all my family in heaven are sending me kisses from heaven.  It is soothing, it is happy and I like that.  

The pieces of our lives, the pieces of ourselves received from our loved ones are important.  The reminders of the lives they led, we keep them with us through these pieces.  I miss my dad, I miss my mom, I miss my grandparents and I miss Steve.  Loss is butt kicking, gut wrenching pain, it sucks the life out of your body for a time but eventually we do go beyond it, we don't forget the pain, we keep it as a reminder to live our lives to the best of our ability.  We cleanse our soul with our tears, we scream and shake our fist at God and ask 'why me?'.   God's answer is why NOT you.       Once you reach that realization you lose the anger,  well that is when I lost it.I am no more and no less than any other person.

Each of the people I've lost has impacted my life in so many ways.  I have my Gram McGivern's strength I have her jawline and her very large calves....haha, true I'm afraid.  She was a force to be reckoned with, a person to live up to, a person whose admiration was important to me.    Steve taught me to live each day, one at a time, Steve taught me to have fun.  I lost the ability to have fun at some point in my young years, I am thankful to have that back.  My dad's sense of humor was the best, he was so silly sometimes, he taught me that being silly was OK   He had a twinkle in his eye and a story in his heart.  My mom and I had a difficult relationship.  We didn't have a typical mother/daughter relationship.  She was gone for many years.  That is a sad memory but what I have learned is that my mom did her best and she loved me and my brothers.  She was a good person and I love her. My stepmother was a kind person.  She married a man with 4 teenagers.  She was gentle and loving.  I am not a part of her genetically but she left lasting memories and impressions with me.  I learned humility and courage from her.    I am thankful for the mothering she gave my brothers and I.   I am who I am because of these people.

I will never forget them, each special in their way.  I hold the pieces of them in my heart and memory.  As long as they are remembered they live on.

Day 51 of 365.
Remember.......K