My life has been spent as a daughter, a sister, a wife, a mother, a widow, and a grandmother. It seems my entire first 59 years have been defined by my status in life. Is that true of everyone? I don't know....when Steve died a big part of my identity died as well because in addition to wife I had became his caregiver. I suddenly had so much time on my hands after he died. I threw myself into the kids lives, school, crew, ski lessons and more. Now I see that Todd and Maddie are growing away....becoming young adults. They don't need my constant supervision or meddling as they may see it.
An odyssey has begun. It is an exciting time, a time of exploration. I am not the same person I was, I can see this every day.
The road through grief is long and murky, I've navigated that road and now the road to Me is stretched out before me. This road too is murky but not so lonely and scary. I will not be defined as daughter of John and Lois, sister of Dave, Mike and Frank, Mom of Jason, Rebecca, Todd and Maddie or Gramma of Demi, Mathias, Mary, Stella, Scarlett, Oliver & Calvin.....that is all a part of Me, but not all of Me. I will be defined, as Kathi, just Kathi. It is time for me. Am I being selfish? Maybe a little...but realization settles upon me that life is fleeting and that we cannot put everything into one basket.
Both my mom and dad died within the past 1 1/2 years. I am still a daughter but not in the same sense. Another piece of my identity has been taken. Five years of redefining myself, though I wasn't aware that I was doing this.....
Day 11 of 365.
Be Yourself.....K
No comments:
Post a Comment