We, who loved Stephen E. Whitmarsh are charged with being the Memory Keepers, The Guardians. Within the first year of Steve's death his physical existence in this life was mostly wiped clean. His name was no longer on bank accounts, mortgages, drivers licenses, etc. I had a very hard time with that and tended to leave his name on things longer than I should have, it felt so wrong, so sad to strike his existence.
Americade, June 1989 . Will you marry me?
It dawned on me one day that as long as we remembered him and spoke his name he lived on. It also occurred to me that he still received mail, 5 years after his death......so does that mean he isn't gone?
Have you ever had someone in your life who is "larger than life", who fills the room with their presence, even if they don't speak a word?? That was Steve.....he was a big personality. He left an enormous void in our lives. It has taken a very long time to stop feeling that hole in my life.....but as the saying goes, "time heals all wounds". That is thankfully true. I could not bear to still feel that raw, overwhelming hurt. Do you know that heartache is real, tangible feeling? It is. I would have thought someone a nut if they told me that, but I can say your heart can ache, a real, physical ache....like a backache or headache.
September 16, 1989 - I Do.
No matter how much I wanted Steve back it could not be.....that is a very harsh reality. There were times when I would be feeling pretty good and suddenly a freight train slammed me ...... so much pain, so much hurt. Day by Day.....that is how we survive.
May, 2008 - A Memorial Tree and Plaque were placed at the beach in Gilbert Lake State Park
This is what I now know.....life goes on, life can be good again, I am strong, I have many reasons to go on, I can love again and that my love for Steve remains in my heart forever and always, I am charged with a very important job......I am the Guardian of Steve's Memory. Jason, Rebecca, Todd and Madolyn are Guardians of Steve's memory.....good or bad memories. Steve was human, he had faults, he was not a saint but he lived, he loved, he laughed, and he lives on through everyone who knew him.....We are the Guardians of his Memory.
Day 4 of 365
Make it memorable.
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