The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Our tendency in the death of a loved one is to make that person perfect, forget their flaws and only remember the good.  I remember when Steve died I would talk about him, typically the good, the funny, the best side but often said "he wasn't perfect, he had his faults but I'd happily take it all back...the good, the bad and the ugly".  That is true today as well as years ago.

 Again today I will look at a different perspective of losing a loved one.  I loved Steve, I disliked some things about him, he was human after all and I choose to remember the whole Steve.

Steve was always late.  The kids and I would be in the car almost every time we were going somewhere, we'd wait, we'd toot the horn, we'd wait and finally along came Steve.  Most car rides started with "why can't you be on time?".  

Steve preferred that everyone had an interest in his interests.  He typically tried to get those around him to become involved in his loves.....skiing and motorcycling are two examples.  He tried to get me skiing almost from the day we met, I am rather independent and resisted for 16 years until I was 49....that is when I decided to give it a try.  That did not go well, I fell the second time we skied and tore my ACL which ended my skiing career.  I am proud that I resisted all those years....if you knew Steve well you'll understand my pride, he was not easy to stand up to.  He was persuasive, but not in a nagging way, just good at getting what he wanted.  

Now motorcycling is another story, I did learn to ride.  He said he didn't want to cart me around on the back of his bike all the time, but as was typical, he made it sound nice.  I am happy I learned to ride, I loved it.  There is a freedom and a sense of one with the universe.  We were riding buddies and I liked that.  I haven't ridden since Steve died, I sold my Harley and have left that part of my life behind.  I have had the urge now and again but it was 'our' thing and I have no desire to ride without Steve.  

Steve was a bit egocentric.  He wanted the lives of everyone in his life to revolve around him.....and it did.

Before we got married Steve would bring me flowers home from his trips to NYC.....after we got married he stopped.  In an argument I brought that up, he said "they die, it's a waste of money".  I shot back that I like them......he may have gotten me flowers a time or two after that but not very often.

He was very opinionated and rarely changed his opinion.  He often tried to force his opinion on others....I caved, many times but not always.   He was not easy to stand up to, but I did sometimes and I like that.

We had our tough times, it wasn't all smooth sailing and there was a time I didn't know if we'd make it or not, we did and I'm glad we did.  

I remember everything I didn't like about Steve, it made him Steve and that is what I want to remember.  I don't want to remember falsely.  He was human and that is what I want to remember....The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

I remember Steve as he was......Saint Stephen???  NOT, but I loved him, flaws and all.

Day 25 of 365.

Be Strong......K