Jason, Rebecca, Todd and Madolyn

When Steve died I had two children grieving for a dad gone far too soon.  Todd was beginning his freshman year and Maddie was in 7th grade.  These are difficult ages without adding your dad dying in the midst of teen angst.  Interestingly and in hindsight, thankfully, Todd and Maddie grieved on different time schedules.  I was already feeling depleted and lost but had 2 children that needed me....that was in some ways good and in some ways so much more difficult.  I also had 2 adult children grieving the loss of Steve very differently, you see Jason was 10 when he met Steve and Rebecca was 7 so to them he was an important piece of their life.  

 Jason has told me that Steve was like a second dad to him and he felt he was a combination of his dad and Steve.  Jason loved Steve, Jason mourned the loss of Steve and worries about me still.  He is a caring and kind man.  He was someone I knew I could call in my darkest hour, he'd cry with me, but could have me laughing in no time.  He was affected deeply and I believe the way he lives changed because of the loss.

 Rebecca and Steve had a complicated relationship once she became a teen.  Steve was not equipped to deal with teenage girl drama.  There were many difficulties over the years but I know they loved each other.  Becky's grief was made more difficult because of her unresolved conflict with Steve.  In the end Steve saw more clearly the error of his ways with Becky and tried to make amends.   It breaks my heart when she talks of her conflicted feelings and I know that the road through her grief has been difficult.

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 Todd lost his dad one month into his freshman year of high school.  Todd is a very smart young man but has always struggled with the structure of school.  The year after losing Steve was lost for Todd.  He became depressed and scared me more than I could bear.  I left my own grief on hold to try to help him.  I could not grieve when my son was in so much distress.  It was an uphill battle, but he won it.  He began dating Liz in the middle of 10th grade and that I believe was a turning point.  They remain together....I believe she was a life preserver for Todd.  I remain thankful for Liz in our lives.
 Jason became an adult male role model for Todd.....I think this helped Todd immensely but also gave Jason a purpose and a role.

Madolyn was initially OK after her dad died.  She had moments but carried on.  That worried me but at the time I had too much on my plate and was thankful.  Maddie misses her dad...he gave the best hugs she says.  She plans to major in psychology in college because of the losses she has suffered at such a young age.  One of the saddest moments she thinks about is her wedding day.  Madolyn has amazing strength, she will find her way, of this I am sure.

My intent isn't to delve into the psyche of each of my children but rather to show that grief impacts each of us and how we each grieve is compounded and changed by the grief of others around us.  

Having my children to take care of was both a blessing and a curse in the grieving process...neither outweighing the other.  It is simply the way it was.

Jason, Rebecca, Todd and Madolyn....each unique, each special, each impacted by a loss, each changed by this loss and each a blessing in my life.

Day 26 of 365.

Joy & Peace.....K